Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Finally put a full stop to it. I've gotten my stuff back, everything now come to a stop. This time round i really can open a new chapter for myself and have a fresh start.
Have a chat with him earlier on. As usual, started with his nonsense and silly jokes. Is enjoyable but is hurtful too, think i'm really just silly fool to him. or merely a little girl to him who knows nothing and have him in the whole universal. In the past, yes i am that naive, now No, the spank from him have wake me up.
I told him about what i've know about him and her. He has no direct reply and as usual covering it. Feel so hurt when he answer that way, what am i to him, i really got no answer to that, in the past i always want to know the answer but now it's longer important to me because it's thoroughly over.
Thank you for the sweet and happy memories you gave to me, you have colored my life. Thank you for making more mature and grow up with the hurtful way you have treated me. You made me grown up....
Have a chat with him earlier on. As usual, started with his nonsense and silly jokes. Is enjoyable but is hurtful too, think i'm really just silly fool to him. or merely a little girl to him who knows nothing and have him in the whole universal. In the past, yes i am that naive, now No, the spank from him have wake me up.
I told him about what i've know about him and her. He has no direct reply and as usual covering it. Feel so hurt when he answer that way, what am i to him, i really got no answer to that, in the past i always want to know the answer but now it's longer important to me because it's thoroughly over.
Thank you for the sweet and happy memories you gave to me, you have colored my life. Thank you for making more mature and grow up with the hurtful way you have treated me. You made me grown up....
i know that i have loved you ... at 12:59 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, March 14, 2010
今天我很优哉，并没有特别去做任何一些事。。。本来因该和N去吃午餐，可是她临时有事就取消了。。。最近她也说好烦喔，希望她还好，一切顺利。。。等我从越南回来再和她聊聊。。。希望到时他的烦恼都没了。。。
这礼拜除了那天吐了一天的口水，之后的几天都比较忙，好多事也有一些无聊的人给了一些无聊的意见。。。害得我忙得要命。。。不过也好，让我没时间想太多关于他的事。。。心里还是很不舒服，当然还是伤心，不过这次真的真的是的放弃了，因为没有任何我之前所妄想的 “有可能” 会发生，现在是不可能了。。其实最让我伤心的是他把我当一个代替品，而我也像个白痴的让他利用。。。好笑吧。。。
像我之前所讲的，我会再受伤一次。。。而真的我是受伤了，也是最后一次为他伤心了。。。值得吗？我不知道，笨吧，为了他让我这么伤心。我都已经不知道要如何开口说出来了。。。几位好友因该都让我烦够了。。。不会再烦她们了，已经过去了。。。让我慢慢放掉和忘了吧。。。如何我不知道，不过我会慢慢学会的。。。
对了我在之前说到我会有新的部落格，我已经成功地把它完成了。。不过还没开始写任何短篇或留言。。。新的部落格我取名为《芬之物语》(www.fenstoryhut.blogspot.com) 。。。再等一段时间，让我开始我的写作吧。。哈哈
这礼拜除了那天吐了一天的口水，之后的几天都比较忙，好多事也有一些无聊的人给了一些无聊的意见。。。害得我忙得要命。。。不过也好，让我没时间想太多关于他的事。。。心里还是很不舒服，当然还是伤心，不过这次真的真的是的放弃了，因为没有任何我之前所妄想的 “有可能” 会发生，现在是不可能了。。其实最让我伤心的是他把我当一个代替品，而我也像个白痴的让他利用。。。好笑吧。。。
像我之前所讲的，我会再受伤一次。。。而真的我是受伤了，也是最后一次为他伤心了。。。值得吗？我不知道，笨吧，为了他让我这么伤心。我都已经不知道要如何开口说出来了。。。几位好友因该都让我烦够了。。。不会再烦她们了，已经过去了。。。让我慢慢放掉和忘了吧。。。如何我不知道，不过我会慢慢学会的。。。
对了我在之前说到我会有新的部落格，我已经成功地把它完成了。。不过还没开始写任何短篇或留言。。。新的部落格我取名为《芬之物语》(www.fenstoryhut.blogspot.com) 。。。再等一段时间，让我开始我的写作吧。。哈哈
i know that i have loved you ... at 10:04 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Thursday, March 11, 2010
how's everyone lately? Had a good chinese new year break? hope everyone enjoy the long holiday earlier on..
As for me, usual stuff a good rest during my CNY holiday and afterwhich is a serial of rainblows request in my job. Though is busy but so far i still enjoy the work. Thanks to my mentor, her patience and guidance.
Things getting slightly interesting in my new work area but don't know why i don't feel excited over it. Yes is interesting to discover and learn new stuff then get to save it. But somehow something is missing. I don't know why. Or perhaps lately i'm bothered by the same stuff again that is why i feel something missing.
As mentioned in my previous blog, did silly stuff again and fall into it again. Think i do have some words craved in my forehead saying thing like "Come and fool me"or "treat me like a clown" is it.
Been awhile since we last catch up (just us) since Dec 09, lately we had a short chat and have sms exchange on and off, though he is away for business trip. Suspected things must have gone wrong with him and his gf or wife to be...but he refused to say any. On the other hand, another friend of mine told me he out of relationship. Got confused by all these information and action done by him.
Like i said things that happen is a dream, and yes dream will end. I have wake up, realise that his business trip is not just a business trip. It includes his trip with his gf or wife to be too. Found these out accidentally through someone's blog. Guess is fated for me to find out. Feel so hurt at the point i found out. But then i reflected back. He has never commit anything to me. Well then he is not wrong for not telling me anything. i can only say i think too much and assume too much. Being silly again that all i can say. Also think the dream i have with regards to him is true. The dream that he wore a wedding ring, the day he get married i think i won't attend.
Hmm just don't understand why whenever i feel something is good, some unhappy stuff will happen. I know i'm nagging the same stuff again and again. I don't want to too. But guess this is the place where i can pour everything out. I really have a urged to go to him and tell him "stop confusing me and let me go". Can he just treat me like any other one. think if he does that i will feel better. As what my friend told me, perhap he is just the right person but at the wrong timing. I really feel so.
TM, the friend i mention earlier, guess he also the right person at the wrong timing too. He is nice and caring but ... think i am too drain off. I rejected his invited 2nd time already. Guess another time he will be understand why. Hope he can find someone better.
Better stop my nagging..gotta get going..pls let me get busier and times pls fly faster for this year.
i know that i have loved you ... at 8:13 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, February 14, 2010
虎年到了~~！！ 祝大家在这新的一年心想事成，事事如意。新年快乐~~~！！今年的农历大年初一刚好也是西洋的情人节（二月十四日），也祝天下所有的情侣情人节快乐~~
前几天又发牢骚了，我很烦吧，哈哈。。我也觉得，定力不够，所以才会这样。。。真没用！！！
我知道这几天都是梦境来的，因为他不可能会回来 （不否认我是很希望他回来）。。梦会醒来的， 我知道。。我因该会在痛一次吧。。会吗？。。。那天我又消失你们就知道了
至于我那位朋友TM，我之后有回电邮给他。。。因为他一个人在国外，相信有来至于自己同乡的慰问，是一种欣慰吧。。。他好像回国了，如果没记错是在上个礼拜四回来的。。。希望他的过年过得不错。。。有点刻意不想传简讯给他。。。没为什么，就不想吧。。
我想我是个怪人。。想的事好像都和别人不同，在烦的事都是自找的，所受的伤也是自找的，真的是个神经大条加反应迟屯的怪人。。。
前几天又发牢骚了，我很烦吧，哈哈。。我也觉得，定力不够，所以才会这样。。。真没用！！！
我知道这几天都是梦境来的，因为他不可能会回来 （不否认我是很希望他回来）。。梦会醒来的， 我知道。。我因该会在痛一次吧。。会吗？。。。那天我又消失你们就知道了
至于我那位朋友TM，我之后有回电邮给他。。。因为他一个人在国外，相信有来至于自己同乡的慰问，是一种欣慰吧。。。他好像回国了，如果没记错是在上个礼拜四回来的。。。希望他的过年过得不错。。。有点刻意不想传简讯给他。。。没为什么，就不想吧。。
我想我是个怪人。。想的事好像都和别人不同，在烦的事都是自找的，所受的伤也是自找的，真的是个神经大条加反应迟屯的怪人。。。
i know that i have loved you ... at 3:06 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Monday, February 08, 2010
Finally mon is over...glad that it ended quite well...i hope i did miss out those details which i don't wish to know and also i did not get to know what is going after that...because i make myself MIA a short while and also got a ride from my friend... really thanks God for helping me with that...even though i do curious how it goes after we leave for the car... but guess it is fated i need not to know what is the ending like...then i should not pursue on it...and thing should go back to normal as of now already
Listening to the song now by Angela Zhang...don't really like her song in the past but now start to like the songs...brings me back memories...somehow or rather really spell out my feeling too...i know i am starting again but i am not dwelling on it...i am learning to let go and guess i do pick up how to.. at least now i don't feel the pain that sharp...like my buddy said, as time goes the pain will be gone...indeed it is but slowly kind of bit too slow ...can expedite abit???
Got an email from my friend i always called him TM, he is now in Australia going through his orientation there...don't deny he is really indeed a Mr Nice Guy but i feel bad for what i have done in the past...somehow or rather i did indirectly make use of him to try to forget him...it is unfair to him i know and which is why now i feel so bad about it...really bad haiz...i don't wish to give him false hope...i don't mind to be just friends...but does he thinks that too?... I don't know ....should i reply his email? He told me he miss Singapore...how should i reply him?...hmmm really stuck in the dilemma now...how and what should i do now?
Really wish Doraemon is my friend now...allow me to go to the future see what i should do to prevent anyone from getting hurts...it is painful i know because i been through it...think i should go and sleep...see if i could get any idea or not...
Listening to the song now by Angela Zhang...don't really like her song in the past but now start to like the songs...brings me back memories...somehow or rather really spell out my feeling too...i know i am starting again but i am not dwelling on it...i am learning to let go and guess i do pick up how to.. at least now i don't feel the pain that sharp...like my buddy said, as time goes the pain will be gone...indeed it is but slowly kind of bit too slow ...can expedite abit???
Got an email from my friend i always called him TM, he is now in Australia going through his orientation there...don't deny he is really indeed a Mr Nice Guy but i feel bad for what i have done in the past...somehow or rather i did indirectly make use of him to try to forget him...it is unfair to him i know and which is why now i feel so bad about it...really bad haiz...i don't wish to give him false hope...i don't mind to be just friends...but does he thinks that too?... I don't know ....should i reply his email? He told me he miss Singapore...how should i reply him?...hmmm really stuck in the dilemma now...how and what should i do now?
Really wish Doraemon is my friend now...allow me to go to the future see what i should do to prevent anyone from getting hurts...it is painful i know because i been through it...think i should go and sleep...see if i could get any idea or not...
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:51 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Sunday, February 07, 2010
been a long while since my last post. not much of changes to me except change to a new job. left my project base post, that is really an experience for me. how am i doing hmm 'busy' is the word i can use to describe for me now. i know for those out there will think that is the usual me and YES THIS IS ME WHEN COME TO WORK. frankly i don't know what i have been busying but just got things popping in. Also lots for me to pick up, in terms of new industry, job scope, new 'system', environment, working with people from all over the world and culture for my new company.
busy seems to be my best friend now. everyday i will end my day not knowing why things can pile up so fast. ever since i started this new post, i really really rarely meet up with my friends. mainly is because timing and location issue. but i get to meet up with someone which i least expected to. well guess is just co-incidence that he could make it for the last 2 times. anyway really want to say 'thank you; for his time, it has give me 2 weeks of relaxing times at least i feel more happy and not so stress up. but will not bother him so much i know he is very busy, got someone and so many stuff to handle. maybe he find it hard to reject me because i am such a nuisance hahaha
lately did something silly, just like what i wrote in my last post. really silly or rather stupid of me. think i am testing how strong my heart is. bracing myself to this coming monday. i hope i can be myself and everything goes normal. i should have draft the list myself instead of getting my friend to help. is a very big mistake to get other people to arrange stuff on behalf when the date is set by me. this is gonna be my last initiatives and i will not suggest anymore. i don't think my heart can take any more blow.
anyway i am shifting my blog soon, working on the new template. this is going to be in all chinese and will not only have posting on me. i will put in my own short stories write up there. looking forward to post it up. i will post here again to announce the new link once i roll out. as for this blog, hmm i will keep it but probably will now publish it anymore. i got to move on and really move. looking back all these post now it does affect me to move on. but i will delete whatever i wrote here, as all these are my lesson, my life journey lesson. i hope one day i look back here, i feel normal. when will this day be, i don't know.
busy seems to be my best friend now. everyday i will end my day not knowing why things can pile up so fast. ever since i started this new post, i really really rarely meet up with my friends. mainly is because timing and location issue. but i get to meet up with someone which i least expected to. well guess is just co-incidence that he could make it for the last 2 times. anyway really want to say 'thank you; for his time, it has give me 2 weeks of relaxing times at least i feel more happy and not so stress up. but will not bother him so much i know he is very busy, got someone and so many stuff to handle. maybe he find it hard to reject me because i am such a nuisance hahaha
lately did something silly, just like what i wrote in my last post. really silly or rather stupid of me. think i am testing how strong my heart is. bracing myself to this coming monday. i hope i can be myself and everything goes normal. i should have draft the list myself instead of getting my friend to help. is a very big mistake to get other people to arrange stuff on behalf when the date is set by me. this is gonna be my last initiatives and i will not suggest anymore. i don't think my heart can take any more blow.
anyway i am shifting my blog soon, working on the new template. this is going to be in all chinese and will not only have posting on me. i will put in my own short stories write up there. looking forward to post it up. i will post here again to announce the new link once i roll out. as for this blog, hmm i will keep it but probably will now publish it anymore. i got to move on and really move. looking back all these post now it does affect me to move on. but i will delete whatever i wrote here, as all these are my lesson, my life journey lesson. i hope one day i look back here, i feel normal. when will this day be, i don't know.
i know that i have loved you ... at 1:16 AM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
i know that i have loved you ... at 11:29 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities